Anxious Anticipation

Tomorrow I start in the extended Clinical Pastoral Education (CPE) program at Harris Methodist Hospital.  My classroom work will be at Harris Methodist Downtown and my practical will be at Harris Methodist Southwest.  One thing we were told to do before starting the program was to try to identify those things that we are anxious about.  Here is my list:

• I'll get lost (hospitals are big and seem a lot like mazes)
• I won't know what to say
• I'll feel really awkward and won't know what to do
• I'll say the wrong thing
• I won't be able to pray out loud without stumbling all over myself
• I'll be too empathetic and will get too emotional
• I'll get sick and won't be able to get in all of the required hours
• I'm not sure how I'll handle being with someone when they die - that is new for me
• I won't be able to remember conversations well enough to write a verbatum
• I'll be intimidated by the doctors and I'll have trouble asserting my authority

Well - that's all I can think of for now.  That is certainly enough!  Some of these are probably things that everyone worries about and once they get into the program they become non issues.  But others may not be so easy to dismiss.  Time will tell how this turns out.  I am fortunate in that the supervisor for the classroom work used to be my spiritual director.

I am anxious, but I am also anticipating that this will be a valuable growth experience for me.  Who knows, I may find that this type of work is something that will call to me.