Monday, August 16, 2010

My Mother - A New Relationship

My relationship with my mother was very strained while she was alive.  As I was growing up, she said many things to me that caused me a great deal of pain and anguish.  I've had to work hard to overcome the resulting emotional fall-out and behavioral issues.  I have come to realize that perhaps the things she said were not out of a desire to hurt me.  Rather, it was a misguided attempt to help me learn and grow.  Perhaps she didn't know any other way.  I wish I could have had a better relationship with her, but that was not to be.

Mom died rather suddenly about 3 years ago.  I thought that with her passing, my relationship with her would end.  But that's not exactly true.  I think about her sometimes and even have conversations in my mind with her.  Does this mean I can "feel" her presence?  I don't really know.  Perhaps.

I have a friend who calls himself a medium - someone who can contact the dead.  It used to be that I considered all such things to be utterly ridiculous, but I have since changed my mind and I now keep a fairly open mind about paranormal phenomena.  There is a lot about life and the universe that we don't understand, and probably some of it we will never understand.  The fact that we don't understand it or can't prove it, though, does not mean that it isn't real or that it doesn't exist.

So the other day, I asked my friend if he would try to contact my mother.  He concentrated for a few minutes and then said that he could sense her presence.  He then proceeded to tell me things about myself as a child and my relationship with my mother, then and more recently.  These were things that he would not have known, but he was dead on!  And I don't consider these to be things that are "normal" or that he could have been successful with a lucky guess.  He also told me that my mother doesn't hang around me all of the time, but she checks in every now and then to see how I'm doing.  That would make sense - there were four of us and if she (or her spirit) really is keeping tabs on us, she would have to make the rounds!

Somehow I find that comforting.  I would like to think it's true.  Maybe it is - my friend did know some things that he should not have known.  I can't explain that.  But even if it is not true, my mother lives on in my heart and in my memory.  I can continue to "talk to her" and I can continue to build a relationship with her.  It's a different kind of relationship than what we would have if she were still alive, but it's still a relationship.  Perhaps it's a relationship worth pursuing.

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